“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him… with love” ~Mahatma Gandhi

This quote, tweeted by Tony Robbins yesterday, is so appropriate on the day that we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is true that the challenge to see our selves in our opponents is our greatest and richest opportunity. If we can learn to love “them,” perhaps we can learn to love ourselves. In so doing, we remove the finger from the triggers in our society, by removing them in our hearts.

Why is it so easy to be ‘triggered’ into fear and anger over what other people say?

I call it the “Purple Spots Syndrome.”

For example, if some ‘crazy’ person walked up to you on the street and cried out, “You have purple spots!!” what would you think?

As you sidle cautiously away, would you be taking the comment seriously?

Probably not.

BUT, if someone told you that you are funny looking, or that dress really does make you look fat, or that you can’t succeed because of your race, creed, sex, or orientation, you might let it get stuck in your craw.

Why is that?

The fact is, no one can get under your skin, that isn’t already there. You couldn’t be irate with someone who seeks to insult you, if you didn’t, on some very deep (possibly unconscious) level, agree with the insult. The deeper (and less conscious) your fear that something might actually be true, the harder it is to forgive the slight.

The solution is to know the truth about yourself and to honor who you are enough to let go of the need to control the thoughts of others.

Mark Twain said it best, “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”

Like Mr. Twain, I want to ask, “Why would you let the words of another hurt you?”

Now, please understand that I’m not suggesting that we condone or ignore language that incites violence or oppression. What I am saying is that, on a day-to-day basis, in our relatively privileged lives, we have the capacity to stop negativity and bullying before it spreads.

Where are the opportunities to let go of, and therefore extinguish, the negativity in your life?
What can your enemy teach you about your feelings for yourself?
Are you aware of the ways in which you train people to treat you?

The clues to the answers to these questions lie in the “results” in your life. The things you believe you can’t let go of…the annoying and destructive patterns that repeat…the fears, anxieties and disappointments that stand in your way.

If you have trouble identifying what you have stuck in your craw and why, call me at 866.821.9396 or visit me here to set up a consultation. I’ve been honored to help.

In the meanwhile, here is a lovely tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. and others who sought to teach the values of tolerance and personal responsibility. Dion’s song “Abraham, Martin and John” is one of my all-time favorites.

Tags: bullying, emotional freedom, Gandhi, insult, language, MLK, purple spots, resentment, Truth

This entry was posted on Monday, January 18th, 2010 at 1:04 am and is filed under Responsibility, Self-acceptance, Truth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.