Forgiveness: Your best line of defense
In last week’s newsletter, we talked about the “Up until now” tool to help you acknowledge that this minute…right now…is an opportunity for a fresh start.
If you can look at your entire life, up until now, as rich with the experiences and information that led you to the perfect opportunity to feel how you want to feel, you are half way there!
Today, let’s look at one of the greatest tools every happy person has in their toolkit…Forgiveness.
I love that this symbol for forgiveness looks like a person with a lot on his mind, but who still chooses to be happy.
You might reject the idea of forgiving ‘those who have trespassed against you.’ Or, you might simply not know what it means to really forgive someone, or to be forgiven. That’s pretty common.
We hear a lot about forgiveness, starting in early childhood, but few people are ever taught HOW.
I learned a long time ago that, when offered a choice, ‘a confused mind says NO.” So, let me clear up some confusion about forgiveness.
To forgive, we do not have to say that whatever happened was okay. In fact, before we can forgive, we need to allow ourselves to really feel the pain of the experience. If we don’t fully acknowledge our hurts, we will continue to carry them subconsciously and they will drain our energy.
In The Intelligent Heart, David & Bruce McArthur say:
Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively.
The blessing is that when we’re really ready to experience our pain and we open to it, it usually fades away. By honoring our pain, we release it. You will know that you have succeeded when you let go of expectations that the other person will apologize or change.
Don’t worry about whether or not others will finally understand you. That may, or may not happen. But the need to be completely understood by someone else is something we can forgive ourselves for. Being understood doesn’t make you safer. Being happy and confident does.
Forgiveness is in your hands...and yours alone
Even if the people in your life live in negative energy, you can be around them without getting caught up in the habits of complaining, judging and seeing the glass as bone dry.
Find out how, after the jump…
Just imagine what your life can be with all the extra energy you will have when you aren’t spending it on grudges, resentments and disappointments! That is the gift you give yourself by forgiving others.
Remember, the first step is the Up Until Now tool. Whenever you find yourself caught up in old, negative patterns, reconfirm you commitment to your own happiness by accepting that Up Until Now does not predict, From This Point Forward. A fresh start is completely your choice.
Next, keep in mind that “Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other guy to die.”
Health professionals will tell you that stress, which is a by-product of non-forgiveness, can kill you. Don’t let whatever has happened in your life hurt you anymore!
Then, make a list of the energy draining disappointments you drag around with you and, one by one, go through the process of forgiving and releasing them. BE WARNED: Simply saying, “Okay, whatever, I forgive this,’ is not enough.
Forgiveness is a process, not just a saying.
Let me know if I can help you with that.
If you’ve had success with the forgiveness process in you life, share with us what it has meant to you in the comments below.