Well, it turns out that it doesn’t have to be one

OR the other. You really can have a satisfying relationship with your money.

Doesn’t it seem as if EVERYONE struggles with money?

I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to figure out why and, finally, there is an anwer!

If you have ever heard yourself say any of the negative Money Script phrases above, I hope you will join me for perhaps the most important, intensive workshop you will ever take.

This program is not about budgeting or investing…it IS about creating a money mindset that reduces stress, improves confidence and creates true and lasting wealth.

Money is essential to our day-to-day survival, but why is it THE most painfully charged issues in our lives. Whether you fear never having enough, or you struggle with managing what you have (or don’t have), now is the time to get the tools you need to build a great life with your money.

Space is limited to 10 seats.

Secure your spot today!

We’ll meet May 13, 6-9pm & May 14, 9am-4pm.

Near Eastern Market, Washington, DC

Email me or call 866.821.9386 to receive your registration form with  your pre-work exercises and directions.

Tuition includes 10 hours of instruction,learning materials and light snacks.

Singles – $425  10% discount for cash  ($383)

Couples – $725 10% discount for cash  ($653)

The 10% discount will apply paid registrations received before April 30.

If you need accommodation in the area, I can steer you to, or away from, the local options..

Couples who have taken this workshop will be eligible for an extension seminar focusing on communications, connectedness and conflict resolution.

Join us and find freedom from financial strife!

You can either forward this entire email, or download a pdf to print and share via your social networks.

Please!

As you have probably heard me say before, nothing gives me greater joy than seeing that AHA moment, and witnessing the relief and optimism that comes when a client breaks through a limitation that has plagued them for ages. YOU can foster that change in about 30 seconds!

If you have any questions about how to share or describe my work, please be in touch.

It’s really quite easy!

click here to get a pdf of this card, and thank you for passing it on!

Join us for an evening of mingling and singling over party, board and card games at Labyrinth’s Valentine’s Game Night.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

5:30-9:30pm

Tickets are just $10 and space is limited!

Purchase tickets before Wednesday, 9 February, at Labyrinth Games & Puzzles at 645 Pennsylvania Av SE, Washington, DC. (less than half a block west of the Eastern Market Metro-blue&orange line.) Get directions here. Street parking is available.

or, email Kathleen@labyrinthgameshop.com

or, call them at 202.544.1059 to snag your spot.

This is going to be a blast! Kathleen is providing awesome games and snacks, while I will be running some mixer games and will be available to talk about successfully navigating ‘the games people play in love!

Please forward news of this event to gamer guys and gals (especially the gals) and fans of fun!

Sharee Lawler, of the Hill is Home blog, did a really nice story about my pet coaching business back in February. As we chatted, a few phrases such as penguin wrangler and 3.742 miles, piqued her interest.

A couple of weeks ago, she rang again with a request for another interview to learn how my experience on The Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament shaped my life and my work as a life coach and counselor. Now, I am ALWAYS glad to talk about the March, but I was especially eager to chat with Sharee. I knew that her sensitivity and talent would create something lovely out of the thousands of stories and very strong emotions that fateful journey bring up in me.

The resulting post is even better than I could have imagined.

When people ask me about it in the future, I may just point them to that link. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

We had a LOT of meetings!

If you would ever like to have a cup of tea and hear more about what it was like to see this amazing country of ours, one step at a time, drop me a line. The stories are heart-warming and hair-raising.

It was a classic Hero’s Journey, that made you feel like you lived a week in every single day. But I won’t kid you. Those of us who worked to move an entire city, over every kind of terrain you can imagine, loved what we did…AND…we ended up describing the effort using a slight variation on that famous, old Army motto:

It’s not just an adventure, it’s a JOB!

I hope to never work that hard, or have that much responsibility, ever again.

At the same time, I DO hope to be that committed and that willful in everything I do.

The March taught me what it means to be me…free from the restrictions of emotional limitation and pessimism.

Of course, we are all shaped by our experiences, of course. And, believe it or not, walking across America isn’t even the most dramatic of mine. But, I know in my bones that letting go of who I was and giving in to the March experience, helped me to develop the tenacity and empathy that  drive my work now.

Because of it, I know with great certainty that no matter where you are, geographically or emotionally, you CAN move. You ARE free to choose how you feel in any given moment. And I am as honored to guide you on YOUR journey as I was to clear the path for my beloved March family.

If you need help getting from here to wherever your ‘there’ is, I’d love to help. And I won’t even make you pitch a tent!

He’s a dedicated sharer of the funny and this one made me laugh out loud.

Having come from a non-technical age, I’m surprised how may of these apply directly to me. How about you?

You Know You Are Living In 2010 when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you…

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses or Facebook accounts.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen, even the chia pet.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U- R  LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

At least we are all in it together!

A toleration is anything that gets in the way of your very best life. If it drains you, wears you out, dances on your last nerve or makes you sad over and over again, it’s a toleration. Use this 5 step plan to eliminate it!

1) Join me in being ‘compassionately intolerant’ of your discomforts and disasters.

Understand that we are all doing the best we can at any given moment, but you have an opportunity, right now, to compassionately let go of what doesn’t work. If you are putting up with, or sometimes creating, obstacles on your path to satisfaction, the only time you have to eliminate them is RIGHT NOW. Remember, ‘then’ is not your friend. You can’t fix what happened back then and putting off your happiness for if/then to be happy, just isn’t going to work. It isn’t okay to be in dismay as a regular thing!

2) Discover what brings you down…and what it actually does for you.

Where ever your energy flows, your life goes. If you are staring at your troubles more than you are looking forward to achieving your goals, that’s an imbalance that needs to be rectified. But first, figure out what you are getting from your struggles. Is fear of failure, or worse, fear of success making your tolerations too attractive? Do what it takes to make satisfaction feel safer than sadness does.

It may feel like it, but you are not actually trapped by anything in your life!

Learn more after the jump.

3) Be true to your values.

Too often, we give up our values in exchange for situations that we think we SHOULD have in our lives. Unfortunately, if you aren’t clear about what drives your choices, it’s difficult to make the best ones. Don’t tolerate being confused about who you are.

4) Throw good money after bad tolerations.

If you are seeing the same problems over and over again: career dissatisfaction, a broken down environment, a messy work space, a closet full of clothes that don’t fit and don’t feel good on you, unresolved relationships/debts/promises, that door handle that makes entering a room a bother…or anything else that makes you groan.

5) If you don’t have a list of tolerations to tackle, think deeply and listen to your Life Script.

What do you say over and over again about your life? To get clarity, it may take an outside observer to help you notice and evaluate those habits. Turns out, I’m really, really good at helping with that. Give me a call!

Spring is the perfect time to eliminate tolerations. Make a commitment, right now, to eliminate even ONE. If you are fearful, start small. If you are ready, tackle the biggest, more draining bother. You’ll be relieved and glad that you did.

If you can look at your entire life, up until now, as rich with the experiences and information that led you to the perfect opportunity to feel how you want to feel, you are half way there!

Today, let’s look at one of the greatest tools every happy person has in their toolkit…Forgiveness.

I love that this symbol for forgiveness looks like a person with a lot on his mind, but who still chooses to be happy.

You might reject the idea of forgiving ‘those who have trespassed against you.’ Or, you might simply not know what it means to really forgive someone, or to be forgiven. That’s pretty common.

We hear a lot about forgiveness, starting in early childhood, but few people are ever taught HOW.

I learned a long time ago that, when offered a choice, ‘a confused mind says NO.” So, let me clear up some confusion about forgiveness.

To forgive, we do not have to say that whatever happened was okay. In fact, before we can forgive, we need to allow ourselves to really feel the pain of the experience. If we don’t fully acknowledge our hurts, we will continue to carry them subconsciously and they will drain our energy.

In The Intelligent Heart, David & Bruce McArthur say:

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively.

The blessing is that when we’re really ready to experience our pain and we open to it, it usually fades away. By honoring our pain, we release it. You will know that you have succeeded when you let go of expectations that the other person will apologize or change.

Don’t worry about whether or not others will finally understand you. That may, or may not happen. But the need to be completely understood by someone else is something we can forgive ourselves for. Being understood doesn’t make you safer. Being happy and confident does.

Forgiveness is in your hands...and yours alone

Even if the people in your life live in negative energy, you can be around them without getting caught up in the habits of complaining, judging and seeing the glass as bone dry.

Find out how, after the jump…

Just imagine what your life can be with all the extra energy you will have when you aren’t spending it on grudges, resentments and disappointments! That is the gift you give yourself by forgiving others.

Remember, the first step is the Up Until Now tool. Whenever you find yourself caught up in old, negative patterns, reconfirm you commitment to your own happiness by accepting that Up Until Now does not predict, From This Point Forward. A fresh start is completely your choice.

Next, keep in mind that “Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other guy to die.”

Health professionals will tell you that stress, which is a by-product of non-forgiveness, can kill you. Don’t let whatever has happened in your life hurt you anymore!

Then, make a list of the energy draining disappointments you drag around with you and, one by one, go through the process of forgiving and releasing them. BE WARNED: Simply saying, “Okay, whatever, I forgive this,’ is not enough.

Forgiveness is a process, not just a saying.

Let me know if I can help you with that.

If you’ve had success with the forgiveness process in you life, share with us what it has meant to you in the comments below.

Today, a dear friend…a good friend…a unique friend…has died.

He has been such a stalwart part of the couple that I have loved more than my own parents…for more than 22 years…I can’t imagine what my life will be like without him.

Two of the most important people in the world, Niki and Gordon.

I know Gordon because, in 1986, I walked from Los Angeles to Washington DC with a group of passionate people championing a cause. It was an amazing experience and, at the end of it, I was overcome with an illness that knocked me off my feet. I recuperated in Gordon’s house, lovingly tended by his wonderful wife Niki. The two of them took me into their hearts and cared for this sickly stranger with the deepest kindness I’d ever known.

Almost two years later, I called Niki from California to talk about my post-divorce life. She wasn’t home. Gordon asked me how I was and, after my brief description…totally out of the blue…he boomed, “Well, you ARE coming to live with us, aren’t you?” It was as if becoming a part of their family was a forgone conclusion.

Six months after that, I crossed the country again, to join the home of Les Heures. That’s what the welcome mat said…French for, “The Laughing Ones.”

And boy did we ever. We laughed. We cried. We tussled over philosophy and choices. We LIVED, and I was safer than I had ever been in my life.

Gordon had a pure, scientific mind. He loved nature, sang in the church choir, was a dab hand at bridge, and read exhaustively. He was responsible for me acquiring my very first library card.

We were incredibly different and he never pretended to understand me. But he was there for me, come what may. More than anything, he was Niki’s husband and champion. He loved her, in his own way, so much that she could be available to those who needed her…I was definitely NOT the only one.

The original idea was that I would live with Niki and Gordon for 6 months. I stayed with them for 7 and half years. We just worked that well together.

They have been with me, on my side and in my corner through every major event of my life. Believe me, there have been some doozies that I would not have navigated half as successfully, if it weren’t for my faithful, caring ’surrogate parents.’

Gordon was 97, and not feeling well at all, but the last time I saw him, he gave me the same strong hug I remember from his younger days. I described it like being hugged by an oak tree. He was so solid. So…himself…so THERE.

In wishing Gordon godspeed, I want to say to him “Tak for Alt.” It’s a phrase I saw on many gravestones when I lived briefly in Denmark.

Mark Nielson PhD, explains it like this:

“In daily conversation Danes do not use the phrase “Tak for alt.” As one Dane; put it, “Those are pretty big words.” While the literal translation is “Thanks for everything,” the meaning is greater. A more accurate translation is “with deep and profound gratitude for the bounty and fullness of life.”

Thank you Gordon. Thank you for everything.

If you aren’t all aglow from spending a satisfying Valentine’s Day yesterday, you are definitely not alone.

Here is how I know; many years before becoming a life coach and counselor, I was a florist.

You might think I would have fond memories of Valentine’s Day, considering that it is the second highest profit day of the year for that industry and, after all, everybody loves love, right?

I only WISH I had fond memories.

I just remember feeling terribly sad for people who felt like they had to behave in ways that did not feel good to them. Their real hearts were not made of shiny red paper, chocolate or jewelry and their hearts just weren’t in it.

But, February 15 was much, much worse. Customers would run in with angry, anxious faces and guilty minds, demanding the impossible. They HAD to have dozens of perfect, long stem red roses, immediately! No other flower would do, because those loathsome roses ‘meant’ love.

Each of them had a story about how they had forgotten the holiday, or somehow underperformed to their partner’s expectations.

There is more about broken hearts and happy endings after the jump.

They said that they were desperate to make up for these failings, but it felt like all they were doing was vainly attempting to cover up what was really going on in their relationships.

Forgetting? This, I never understood. To be honest, I am ashamed to admit that I am the worst birthday keeper I know. No matter how much I care about my loved ones, those dates just don’t stick in my mind. But a corporate holiday like Valentine’s Day? Who could forget it when the paper hearts and chubby cherub decorations go up in the grocery stores and gas stations somewhere around January 5th of each year?

And the commercials! Every retail company, from deodorant makers to tire manufacturers, puts a “If you were a decent, loving person you’d buy this” spin on their advertising. The messages are everywhere! No one can escape that onslaught of expectation.

Now, not wanting to participate? That I could understand.

I felt especially bad for the under-performers. The one’s whose partners weren’t happy with their tokens of love.

Not knowing how to satisfy your partner’s wants and needs usually stems from a lack of information and/or, a lack of interest. Both of these have fairly simple solutions, but it takes courage to find them.

Most importantly, it takes the will to figure out what YOU really want and being willing to communicate that in a way that others can understand. Too many of us have the expectation that anyone who cares for you should just intuitively know what makes you happy. That demand is as doomed to disappointment, as it is unfair.

Were you taught how to be romantic in the real world?

Probably not. We get most of our information about loving, and being loved, from the music, movies & tv, novels, and past experiences…many of which weren’t all that healthy or happy.

In fact, I’m going to bet that you have a Life Script about love, wanting and receiving that, more often than not, left you anxious and disappointed.

Would you be interested in learning how to be satisfied with your love and to be a satisfying partner? Do you believe that you can?

It’s entirely possible, regardless of your status…married (happily or unhappily), coupled, single (happily or unhappily) or searching.

You can learn how to make February 14th, and every other day, Nurtured And Glad Day.

Let’s be clear though, you must WANT to be happy to make this work. You have to be open to doing things differently and to receiving more than you can currently imagine.

Saying, “I’ll know it when I see it,” will not work. You must see it before you can know it.

In my next few posts, we’ll talk about figuring out what you really want, versus what you have been told you should want. You just might be amazed.

In the meanwhile, tell us about your best, or worst, Valentine’s Day below.

To honor Dr. King, lift your voice, even if it is only in the car/shower and raise your heart in tribute to “Abraham, Martin and John.”

My favorite line in the song is, “Didn’t you love the things that they stood for. Didn’t they try to find some good for you and me.”

What moves me most about Dr. King, Lincoln, JFK and others, (I’d add, RFK, Paul Wellstone, Mitch Schneider, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu…even Oprah) is not that they fit some perfect model of virtue or selflessness. Let’s face it, they don’t.

What each of these humans have done is face their fears, raise their voices and to live their lives consciously.

Goodness knows, Rosa Parks didn’t plan to become an icon. She said,”In fact if I had let myself think too deeply about what might happen to me I might have gotten off the bus.”

Just think about the moments in your own life when you faced a fear (or simply ignored one) and lived fully in that moment.

People ask me why I walked across America. How could I give up 9 months of my life and comfort like that? (See more on that story here) Each time, I say the same thing I will bet most of the people who took that journey with me would say…and the same thing Dr. King might have said about why he devoted his life to freedom, and authenticity.

At the risk of very bad grammar, I couldn’t NOT do it.

Now, my personal commitment was nothing in comparison to the sacrifices Dr. King and so many other heroes of reason and wisdom have made. But I don’t think each of us needs to be a legend in order to make the world a better place.

You can do it, this minute, by simply adding to the sum total of human happiness.

Tell me. What does your Life Script, your mission, your potential, compel you to do?

If you don’t know what your mission is, email me and I’ll help you identify it. If you think you don’t have one, think again. You are living it, right now. Are you happy with that?

If not, try this quick tool to get started on learning what you mission really is:

Think of a virtue that is meaningful to you. Check this  list of possibilities adapted from Virtue Science.

I’d add my personal favorite: compassionate intolerance.

Now, choose two that really resonate for you. Imagine that your name has been replaced with each virtue. For instance, I’d be perfectly happy to be named Honor, or Authenticity. (Frankly, I’m surprised some rock star mom hasn’t chosen that last one.)

Once you are comfortable with the virtue, endeavor to live it every day…even when the odds seem stacked against you…even when your dream seems more ‘pipe’ than achievable…even when your feet are sore. In this way, you will be living your mission, much like “Abraham, Martin and John.”