Well, it turns out that it doesn’t have to be one

OR the other. You really can have a satisfying relationship with your money.

Doesn’t it seem as if EVERYONE struggles with money?

I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to figure out why and, finally, there is an anwer!

If you have ever heard yourself say any of the negative Money Script phrases above, I hope you will join me for perhaps the most important, intensive workshop you will ever take.

This program is not about budgeting or investing…it IS about creating a money mindset that reduces stress, improves confidence and creates true and lasting wealth.

Money is essential to our day-to-day survival, but why is it THE most painfully charged issues in our lives. Whether you fear never having enough, or you struggle with managing what you have (or don’t have), now is the time to get the tools you need to build a great life with your money.

Space is limited to 10 seats.

Secure your spot today!

We’ll meet May 13, 6-9pm & May 14, 9am-4pm.

Near Eastern Market, Washington, DC

Email me or call 866.821.9386 to receive your registration form with  your pre-work exercises and directions.

Tuition includes 10 hours of instruction,learning materials and light snacks.

Singles – $425  10% discount for cash  ($383)

Couples – $725 10% discount for cash  ($653)

The 10% discount will apply paid registrations received before April 30.

If you need accommodation in the area, I can steer you to, or away from, the local options..

Couples who have taken this workshop will be eligible for an extension seminar focusing on communications, connectedness and conflict resolution.

Join us and find freedom from financial strife!

You can either forward this entire email, or download a pdf to print and share via your social networks.

Please!

As you have probably heard me say before, nothing gives me greater joy than seeing that AHA moment, and witnessing the relief and optimism that comes when a client breaks through a limitation that has plagued them for ages. YOU can foster that change in about 30 seconds!

If you have any questions about how to share or describe my work, please be in touch.

It’s really quite easy!

click here to get a pdf of this card, and thank you for passing it on!

The truth is, you might be!

Miscommunication can send you down a long and dusty road

We make assumptions all the time about how others see the world. Sometimes we take for granted that their world view is the same as ours. Sometimes, we even use vague communication to create

the wedge of ‘differentness’ to keep people at a safe distance. That one is usually unconscious, and can be a huge block to intimacy and belonging. More often than not, we resist saying what we really mean because we want to avoid conflict.

What’s that about?

Behavior scientists call these bad habits of communication, The Abilene Paradox. It’s based on a parable by Dr. Jerry B. Harvey about a family who take a trip to some pretty frustrating places, simply because no one was willing to say what they really meant.

After the disastrous, 104 mile journey one person sarcastically snorted, “It was a great trip wasn’t it.” To which the others replied:

• To tell the truth, I really didn’t enjoy it much. I wouldn’t have gone at all if you hadn’t pressured me into it.
• I didn’t pressure you. I was happy here. I only went because you all wanted to go.
• You were the ones who wanted to go. I just wanted to make you happy.
• I never wanted to go to Abilene. I just thought you might be bored sitting at home with the rest of us.

I’ve seen this kind of buried meaning crop up in nearly every relationship I have observed. In fact, I would be amazed if you didn’t recognize at least one of those comments as something you have said.

What is the solution?

• Identify the common communication tools that consistently cause aggravation,
• Recognize that they are habits of thought that can be changed,
• Then do what it takes to change them!

To be honest, it’s really tough to uncover your verbal tools on your own. Look for instances where you say ‘always, never, I knew it, you people, I always say, you just don’t understand.’

(I love how Stephen Covey says in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “You don’t understand” actually means “You aren’t doing what I want you to do.” )

If you’d like some help figuring out how your communication is getting skewed, give me a call. (866.821.9386, or drop me an email)

Helping you get what you want, through what you say, is my specialty!

I hope you are staying cozy during this challenging winter, and I would love to hear from you!

Sharee Lawler, of the Hill is Home blog, did a really nice story about my pet coaching business back in February. As we chatted, a few phrases such as penguin wrangler and 3.742 miles, piqued her interest.

A couple of weeks ago, she rang again with a request for another interview to learn how my experience on The Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament shaped my life and my work as a life coach and counselor. Now, I am ALWAYS glad to talk about the March, but I was especially eager to chat with Sharee. I knew that her sensitivity and talent would create something lovely out of the thousands of stories and very strong emotions that fateful journey bring up in me.

The resulting post is even better than I could have imagined.

When people ask me about it in the future, I may just point them to that link. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

We had a LOT of meetings!

If you would ever like to have a cup of tea and hear more about what it was like to see this amazing country of ours, one step at a time, drop me a line. The stories are heart-warming and hair-raising.

It was a classic Hero’s Journey, that made you feel like you lived a week in every single day. But I won’t kid you. Those of us who worked to move an entire city, over every kind of terrain you can imagine, loved what we did…AND…we ended up describing the effort using a slight variation on that famous, old Army motto:

It’s not just an adventure, it’s a JOB!

I hope to never work that hard, or have that much responsibility, ever again.

At the same time, I DO hope to be that committed and that willful in everything I do.

The March taught me what it means to be me…free from the restrictions of emotional limitation and pessimism.

Of course, we are all shaped by our experiences, of course. And, believe it or not, walking across America isn’t even the most dramatic of mine. But, I know in my bones that letting go of who I was and giving in to the March experience, helped me to develop the tenacity and empathy that  drive my work now.

Because of it, I know with great certainty that no matter where you are, geographically or emotionally, you CAN move. You ARE free to choose how you feel in any given moment. And I am as honored to guide you on YOUR journey as I was to clear the path for my beloved March family.

If you need help getting from here to wherever your ‘there’ is, I’d love to help. And I won’t even make you pitch a tent!

If you aren’t all aglow from spending a satisfying Valentine’s Day yesterday, you are definitely not alone.

Here is how I know; many years before becoming a life coach and counselor, I was a florist.

You might think I would have fond memories of Valentine’s Day, considering that it is the second highest profit day of the year for that industry and, after all, everybody loves love, right?

I only WISH I had fond memories.

I just remember feeling terribly sad for people who felt like they had to behave in ways that did not feel good to them. Their real hearts were not made of shiny red paper, chocolate or jewelry and their hearts just weren’t in it.

But, February 15 was much, much worse. Customers would run in with angry, anxious faces and guilty minds, demanding the impossible. They HAD to have dozens of perfect, long stem red roses, immediately! No other flower would do, because those loathsome roses ‘meant’ love.

Each of them had a story about how they had forgotten the holiday, or somehow underperformed to their partner’s expectations.

There is more about broken hearts and happy endings after the jump.

They said that they were desperate to make up for these failings, but it felt like all they were doing was vainly attempting to cover up what was really going on in their relationships.

Forgetting? This, I never understood. To be honest, I am ashamed to admit that I am the worst birthday keeper I know. No matter how much I care about my loved ones, those dates just don’t stick in my mind. But a corporate holiday like Valentine’s Day? Who could forget it when the paper hearts and chubby cherub decorations go up in the grocery stores and gas stations somewhere around January 5th of each year?

And the commercials! Every retail company, from deodorant makers to tire manufacturers, puts a “If you were a decent, loving person you’d buy this” spin on their advertising. The messages are everywhere! No one can escape that onslaught of expectation.

Now, not wanting to participate? That I could understand.

I felt especially bad for the under-performers. The one’s whose partners weren’t happy with their tokens of love.

Not knowing how to satisfy your partner’s wants and needs usually stems from a lack of information and/or, a lack of interest. Both of these have fairly simple solutions, but it takes courage to find them.

Most importantly, it takes the will to figure out what YOU really want and being willing to communicate that in a way that others can understand. Too many of us have the expectation that anyone who cares for you should just intuitively know what makes you happy. That demand is as doomed to disappointment, as it is unfair.

Were you taught how to be romantic in the real world?

Probably not. We get most of our information about loving, and being loved, from the music, movies & tv, novels, and past experiences…many of which weren’t all that healthy or happy.

In fact, I’m going to bet that you have a Life Script about love, wanting and receiving that, more often than not, left you anxious and disappointed.

Would you be interested in learning how to be satisfied with your love and to be a satisfying partner? Do you believe that you can?

It’s entirely possible, regardless of your status…married (happily or unhappily), coupled, single (happily or unhappily) or searching.

You can learn how to make February 14th, and every other day, Nurtured And Glad Day.

Let’s be clear though, you must WANT to be happy to make this work. You have to be open to doing things differently and to receiving more than you can currently imagine.

Saying, “I’ll know it when I see it,” will not work. You must see it before you can know it.

In my next few posts, we’ll talk about figuring out what you really want, versus what you have been told you should want. You just might be amazed.

In the meanwhile, tell us about your best, or worst, Valentine’s Day below.

To honor Dr. King, lift your voice, even if it is only in the car/shower and raise your heart in tribute to “Abraham, Martin and John.”

My favorite line in the song is, “Didn’t you love the things that they stood for. Didn’t they try to find some good for you and me.”

What moves me most about Dr. King, Lincoln, JFK and others, (I’d add, RFK, Paul Wellstone, Mitch Schneider, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu…even Oprah) is not that they fit some perfect model of virtue or selflessness. Let’s face it, they don’t.

What each of these humans have done is face their fears, raise their voices and to live their lives consciously.

Goodness knows, Rosa Parks didn’t plan to become an icon. She said,”In fact if I had let myself think too deeply about what might happen to me I might have gotten off the bus.”

Just think about the moments in your own life when you faced a fear (or simply ignored one) and lived fully in that moment.

People ask me why I walked across America. How could I give up 9 months of my life and comfort like that? (See more on that story here) Each time, I say the same thing I will bet most of the people who took that journey with me would say…and the same thing Dr. King might have said about why he devoted his life to freedom, and authenticity.

At the risk of very bad grammar, I couldn’t NOT do it.

Now, my personal commitment was nothing in comparison to the sacrifices Dr. King and so many other heroes of reason and wisdom have made. But I don’t think each of us needs to be a legend in order to make the world a better place.

You can do it, this minute, by simply adding to the sum total of human happiness.

Tell me. What does your Life Script, your mission, your potential, compel you to do?

If you don’t know what your mission is, email me and I’ll help you identify it. If you think you don’t have one, think again. You are living it, right now. Are you happy with that?

If not, try this quick tool to get started on learning what you mission really is:

Think of a virtue that is meaningful to you. Check this  list of possibilities adapted from Virtue Science.

I’d add my personal favorite: compassionate intolerance.

Now, choose two that really resonate for you. Imagine that your name has been replaced with each virtue. For instance, I’d be perfectly happy to be named Honor, or Authenticity. (Frankly, I’m surprised some rock star mom hasn’t chosen that last one.)

Once you are comfortable with the virtue, endeavor to live it every day…even when the odds seem stacked against you…even when your dream seems more ‘pipe’ than achievable…even when your feet are sore. In this way, you will be living your mission, much like “Abraham, Martin and John.”

This quote, tweeted by Tony Robbins yesterday, is so appropriate on the day that we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is true that the challenge to see our selves in our opponents is our greatest and richest opportunity. If we can learn to love “them,” perhaps we can learn to love ourselves. In so doing, we remove the finger from the triggers in our society, by removing them in our hearts.

Why is it so easy to be ‘triggered’ into fear and anger over what other people say?

I call it the “Purple Spots Syndrome.”

For example, if some ‘crazy’ person walked up to you on the street and cried out, “You have purple spots!!” what would you think?

As you sidle cautiously away, would you be taking the comment seriously?

Probably not.

BUT, if someone told you that you are funny looking, or that dress really does make you look fat, or that you can’t succeed because of your race, creed, sex, or orientation, you might let it get stuck in your craw.

Why is that?

The fact is, no one can get under your skin, that isn’t already there. You couldn’t be irate with someone who seeks to insult you, if you didn’t, on some very deep (possibly unconscious) level, agree with the insult. The deeper (and less conscious) your fear that something might actually be true, the harder it is to forgive the slight.

The solution is to know the truth about yourself and to honor who you are enough to let go of the need to control the thoughts of others.

Mark Twain said it best, “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”

Like Mr. Twain, I want to ask, “Why would you let the words of another hurt you?”

Now, please understand that I’m not suggesting that we condone or ignore language that incites violence or oppression. What I am saying is that, on a day-to-day basis, in our relatively privileged lives, we have the capacity to stop negativity and bullying before it spreads.

Where are the opportunities to let go of, and therefore extinguish, the negativity in your life?
What can your enemy teach you about your feelings for yourself?
Are you aware of the ways in which you train people to treat you?

The clues to the answers to these questions lie in the “results” in your life. The things you believe you can’t let go of…the annoying and destructive patterns that repeat…the fears, anxieties and disappointments that stand in your way.

If you have trouble identifying what you have stuck in your craw and why, call me at 866.821.9396 or visit me here to set up a consultation. I’ve been honored to help.

In the meanwhile, here is a lovely tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. and others who sought to teach the values of tolerance and personal responsibility. Dion’s song “Abraham, Martin and John” is one of my all-time favorites.

My ’surrogate mom’…the woman who has been the best kind of mother to me for the past 21 years…called me compassionately intolerant. I think I may just have to get a tattoo of that phrase, or at the very least, a t-shirt.

I suppose it seems odd to be delighted by being labeled ‘intolerant’, but it is so true, I can only celebrate it.

I AM intolerant of one thing in particular…Forgive the terrible grammar, but it is completely NOT okay with me for you to be unhappy, if there is anything that can be done about it.

My mission is to add to the sum total of human happiness. I do this by teaching people the truth about themselves and how they can learn to love it. Sometimes, my passion for this mission leads me to be, shall we say, adamant about letting go of misconceptions, recognizing the difference between discomfort and disaster and embracing what really works in our lives.

The tools are here! They are positive, practical and much simpler than you can imagine. And once you learn to use them with the same kind of compassionate intolerance for the baseline misery, with which, too many of us have become comfortable, life becomes so much better.

Yeah, I can live with that.

Do you know what your mission is? Perhaps now is the time to find out.

A mission is the organizing principle, through which you filter all your decisions.

• Does this relationship support my mission?
• Is this my right work?
• Am I living my truest values in all that I do?

You can tell when you’ve uncovered your real, and true values when you would be okay trading your given name with each value.

For example, you could call me Truth, and I would not be offended. And, if my wonderful mom were to call me Compassionate Intolerance…well, I’d be okay with that too.

Talk about your mission in the comments. I’d love to hear what drives you to be who you are. And if you need help figuring out exactly what that is, email me and I’ll help you find your mission.

With it, 2010 could very well be your very best year.