…one of mine involved walking across America.

Sharee Lawler, of the Hill is Home blog, did a really nice story about my pet coaching business back in February. As we chatted, a few phrases such as penguin wrangler and 3.742 miles, piqued her interest.

A couple of weeks ago, she rang again with a request for another interview to learn how my experience on The Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament shaped my life and my work as a life coach and counselor. Now, I am ALWAYS glad to talk about the March, but I was especially eager to chat with Sharee. I knew that her sensitivity and talent would create something lovely out of the thousands of stories and very strong emotions that fateful journey bring up in me.

The resulting post is even better than I could have imagined.

When people ask me about it in the future, I may just point them to that link. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

We had a LOT of meetings!

If you would ever like to have a cup of tea and hear more about what it was like to see this amazing country of ours, one step at a time, drop me a line. The stories are heart-warming and hair-raising.

It was a classic Hero’s Journey, that made you feel like you lived a week in every single day. But I won’t kid you. Those of us who worked to move an entire city, over every kind of terrain you can imagine, loved what we did…AND…we ended up describing the effort using a slight variation on that famous, old Army motto:

It’s not just an adventure, it’s a JOB!

I hope to never work that hard, or have that much responsibility, ever again.

At the same time, I DO hope to be that committed and that willful in everything I do.

The March taught me what it means to be me…free from the restrictions of emotional limitation and pessimism.

Of course, we are all shaped by our experiences, of course. And, believe it or not, walking across America isn’t even the most dramatic of mine. But, I know in my bones that letting go of who I was and giving in to the March experience, helped me to develop the tenacity and empathy that  drive my work now.

Because of it, I know with great certainty that no matter where you are, geographically or emotionally, you CAN move. You ARE free to choose how you feel in any given moment. And I am as honored to guide you on YOUR journey as I was to clear the path for my beloved March family.

If you need help getting from here to wherever your ‘there’ is, I’d love to help. And I won’t even make you pitch a tent!

What is your greatest fear?
For some, it’s getting older, speaking in public or being alone.

My personal Mt. Everest…the fear I have had the most difficulty managing is…needles.

So, in celebration of my 50th birthday (the 18th), I’m doing something that will seem like nothing to most people, but it is hands down the thing most requiring courage on my part. Ever. And this is saying something.

I am giving blood.

Up until now, I could never have imagined volunteering to take this step. My lifelong, clinical phobia of needles is one of the last bastions of fear in my life. It goes far beyond ‘not liking’ shots, all the way into completely irrational responses.

But now, I am putting into place the tools that any of us (yes, this means YOU) can use to overcome, manage or even come to peace with fear. Get the tools below.

1. Get in touch with what you really feel about the object of your fear

It took some work, but I was eventually able to identify a belief that submitting to medical procedures involving needles made me feel as though something was being forcibly taken from me, and that I was powerless to control my reactions. I discovered that the fear isn’t so much about the lifeless needle, which can’t actually hurt me, but the outcome. That understanding really helped me to shift my perspective to the thing I really CAN do something about.

You can face your fears, one step at a time

2. Understand that even irrational fears, those that you can’t ‘think’ your way through, can be managed

A big part of this tool is changing the ways in which you judge yourself for the fear. In other words, you don’t have to feel bad about feeling bad!

3. Look at what the fear costs you

Does it make sense to carry a burden that drains your energy and limits your ability to enjoy your life? What has your fear caused you to miss? Don’t regret it…but decide to make whatever change is required.

I used to joke that my needle phobia was a good thing because it ensured that I would never be a ‘junkie.’ While that may be true, it DID cost me by making every medical experience of my life more traumatic than it needed to be. And, more than anything, it cost me my pride.

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Chances are very good that the things that bug ya, are more than just life’s little bumps. They are TOLERATIONS, the things you willingly, or unwittingly, allow yourself to put up with.

A toleration is anything that gets in the way of your very best life. If it drains you, wears you out, dances on your last nerve or makes you sad over and over again, it’s a toleration. Use this 5 step plan to eliminate it!

1) Join me in being ‘compassionately intolerant’ of your discomforts and disasters.

Understand that we are all doing the best we can at any given moment, but you have an opportunity, right now, to compassionately let go of what doesn’t work. If you are putting up with, or sometimes creating, obstacles on your path to satisfaction, the only time you have to eliminate them is RIGHT NOW. Remember, ‘then’ is not your friend. You can’t fix what happened back then and putting off your happiness for if/then to be happy, just isn’t going to work. It isn’t okay to be in dismay as a regular thing!

2) Discover what brings you down…and what it actually does for you.

Where ever your energy flows, your life goes. If you are staring at your troubles more than you are looking forward to achieving your goals, that’s an imbalance that needs to be rectified. But first, figure out what you are getting from your struggles. Is fear of failure, or worse, fear of success making your tolerations too attractive? Do what it takes to make satisfaction feel safer than sadness does.

It may feel like it, but you are not actually trapped by anything in your life!

Learn more after the jump.

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I linked a lovely tribute to MLK in yesterday’s blog post, but I like Marvin Gaye’s version even better. Of course, Dion’s original is the one I sing every year on this day.

To honor Dr. King, lift your voice, even if it is only in the car/shower and raise your heart in tribute to “Abraham, Martin and John.”

My favorite line in the song is, “Didn’t you love the things that they stood for. Didn’t they try to find some good for you and me.”

What moves me most about Dr. King, Lincoln, JFK and others, (I’d add, RFK, Paul Wellstone, Mitch Schneider, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu…even Oprah) is not that they fit some perfect model of virtue or selflessness. Let’s face it, they don’t.

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“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him… with love” ~Mahatma Gandhi

This quote, tweeted by Tony Robbins yesterday, is so appropriate on the day that we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is true that the challenge to see our selves in our opponents is our greatest and richest opportunity. If we can learn to love “them,” perhaps we can learn to love ourselves. In so doing, we remove the finger from the triggers in our society, by removing them in our hearts.

Why is it so easy to be ‘triggered’ into fear and anger over what other people say?

I call it the “Purple Spots Syndrome.”

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(Here is the pdf article this post is based on, if you’d like a hard copy.)

It’s that time again. When folks make promises to themselves about what they are going to improve in the new year.

They generally do so with grim determination and self-criticism. Have you  ever met anyone joyful about their resolutions? I can’t say that I have. (except for myself, of course!)

Why do you think the average resolution lasts for roughly 3.7 weeks?

Can you see the problem with these resolutions? Read on!

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