Are you ‘celebrating’ N.A.G. Day?
This year, in addition to taking a day off for President’s Day, many of us are ‘celebrating’ what I like to call, N.A.G. Day…that’s right, National Acrimony and Guilt Day.
If you aren’t all aglow from spending a satisfying Valentine’s Day yesterday, you are definitely not alone.
Here is how I know; many years before becoming a life coach and counselor, I was a florist.
You might think I would have fond memories of Valentine’s Day, considering that it is the second highest profit day of the year for that industry and, after all, everybody loves love, right?
I only WISH I had fond memories.
I just remember feeling terribly sad for people who felt like they had to behave in ways that did not feel good to them. Their real hearts were not made of shiny red paper, chocolate or jewelry and their hearts just weren’t in it.
But, February 15 was much, much worse. Customers would run in with angry, anxious faces and guilty minds, demanding the impossible. They HAD to have dozens of perfect, long stem red roses, immediately! No other flower would do, because those loathsome roses ‘meant’ love.
Each of them had a story about how they had forgotten the holiday, or somehow underperformed to their partner’s expectations.
There is more about broken hearts and happy endings after the jump.
They said that they were desperate to make up for these failings, but it felt like all they were doing was vainly attempting to cover up what was really going on in their relationships.
Forgetting? This, I never understood. To be honest, I am ashamed to admit that I am the worst birthday keeper I know. No matter how much I care about my loved ones, those dates just don’t stick in my mind. But a corporate holiday like Valentine’s Day? Who could forget it when the paper hearts and chubby cherub decorations go up in the grocery stores and gas stations somewhere around January 5th of each year?
And the commercials! Every retail company, from deodorant makers to tire manufacturers, puts a “If you were a decent, loving person you’d buy this” spin on their advertising. The messages are everywhere! No one can escape that onslaught of expectation.
Now, not wanting to participate? That I could understand.
I felt especially bad for the under-performers. The one’s whose partners weren’t happy with their tokens of love.
Not knowing how to satisfy your partner’s wants and needs usually stems from a lack of information and/or, a lack of interest. Both of these have fairly simple solutions, but it takes courage to find them.
Most importantly, it takes the will to figure out what YOU really want and being willing to communicate that in a way that others can understand. Too many of us have the expectation that anyone who cares for you should just intuitively know what makes you happy. That demand is as doomed to disappointment, as it is unfair.
Were you taught how to be romantic in the real world?
Probably not. We get most of our information about loving, and being loved, from the music, movies & tv, novels, and past experiences…many of which weren’t all that healthy or happy.
In fact, I’m going to bet that you have a Life Script about love, wanting and receiving that, more often than not, left you anxious and disappointed.
Would you be interested in learning how to be satisfied with your love and to be a satisfying partner? Do you believe that you can?
It’s entirely possible, regardless of your status…married (happily or unhappily), coupled, single (happily or unhappily) or searching.
You can learn how to make February 14th, and every other day, Nurtured And Glad Day.
Let’s be clear though, you must WANT to be happy to make this work. You have to be open to doing things differently and to receiving more than you can currently imagine.
Saying, “I’ll know it when I see it,” will not work. You must see it before you can know it.
In my next few posts, we’ll talk about figuring out what you really want, versus what you have been told you should want. You just might be amazed.
In the meanwhile, tell us about your best, or worst, Valentine’s Day below.