March 1st, 2015

What is the best way to work your issues?

Traditional therapists would faint if I suggested to them that in-person treatment is NOT the only effective method for making positive and practical change in your life.

In fact, there are four different ways for us to work together.

Find a handy guide to what will work best for you HERE.

March 1st, 2015

There are only two emotions in this life

Love and Fear.

Every other emotion is a derivative of one of these two.

Go ahead. Try to think of an exception.
Just like that old Kevin Bacon game, I’ll wager that you will find that it takes less than six degrees of semantic separation to find the link between one or the other.

My friend Darryl Purpose wrote a song nearly 30 years ago with a lovely beat and a powerful message: “I don’t want to love fear and fear love no more. No more silence.”

Do you ever find yourself loving fear or fearing love?

February 28th, 2015

Just 2 more days to vote for my mom!

2 days left to vote for my mom

Dear humans who are always welcome to pet me,

It is super easy to vote and it is much appreciated!

As you can see in the super cool photo below, I’M the one who does all the real work around here!

But, I have to grudgingly admit that Mom works hard too and, since she is the one with opposable thumbs perfect for filling my food bowl, I figured I should help out with this contest thingy.

Please click the link below and cast your vote in the Washington City Paper “Best of” poll for Best Life Coach. I’ll be happy to send you a pawtograph in return!

Voting closes at midnight March 1st. I’ll be snoring right about then, but you and your pack mates can spread the word until then.

Thank you!

Cagney, the Ambullset

February 27th, 2015

Why do you do what you do?

Your life is a lot like a great big iceberg floating in your own personal ocean.
There is a lot to see on the surface but so, so, much more under the waterline.

On top, you’ve got your results: The stories you see repeated over and over again, featuring the same characters, sometimes dressed in different costumes, but feeling pretty familiar.

Those characters show up in the same old patterns. The ones that cause you to say things like, “It’s always like this! See, I KNEW it! I can never…,” etc.

Those patterns are based in beliefs and expectations that can lead you to _think_ you have no other options.

The truth is, you were taught to have certain expectations by mostly well-meaning people who were motivated by one basic impulse. And that impulse was passed down to you.

It’s what you could call, ‘the gift that keeps on giving.’ It has a lot of value, in that it keeps you from stepping in front of speeding trains or from lying down on a hot stove. But even with that terrific value, it can sure be an annoying stumbling block if you don’t know how to manage it with positive, practical tools.

Have you guessed what it is?

The iceberg of life tells us what is visible above the surface and what motives all your choices: fear
That’s right. The number one, most influential motivator for even the healthiest and most loving people is…drum roll please…FEAR!

That good news is, many of those habits of thought and behavior born of fear are just that, HABITS. They can be rewritten so that what you see above the waterline is healthier and more fulfilling than you can imagine!

Have you ever changed a habit of the mind yourself?

February 25th, 2015

If you are not actually on FIRE…

The first and foremost tool to use in making any positive or lasting change, in the way you view the world, is ‘thought replacement.’

That means understanding and embracing the things you say to and about yourself that are not technically true, and then rewriting that programming with something more useful to your success.

You do that by repeating the preferred thought until it becomes true for you.

After the graphic, I’ll share a wonderful little story about how this can work.

Unless you are actually on FIRE...meaning, in any given moment, you are probably okay

Anxiety, depression, worry, fear…they all make up the most common barriers to a healthy sense of well-being.

In fact, we spend far too much time feeling like we are on fire…being burned up by things that seem completely out of our control.

That is where thought replacement comes in.

During a sleepless night, a family feud or a thorny business meeting, you have the option to feel very differently about what is going on.

Here is one of my favorite examples:

One day, while  cooking, I got a call from a client I had not spoken to for a couple of years. We had done great work and she occasionally came back for a ‘tune up.’

When I picked up the phone, I heard her crying and immediately put on my metaphoric armor to join her in whatever battle she was waging.

After a moment, I realized that she was not crying, she was LAUGHING!

She took a breath and explained.

I was going into a meeting with my boss, which is the one thing that I am most afraid of. I was so nervous, I was shaking and sweating.

Then, all of a sudden, I heard YOUR voice in my head, Bonny.

I heard you say that thing you said so many times…but it finally stuck. “Unless you are on FIRE, in any given moment, you are probably okay.”

I took a breath, shook myself and said, “Come on, girl. You are NOT on fire!

I got myself together and went to meet my boss, and do you know what I learned? She is JUST as afraid as I am!

It was such a relief, and I was so proud of myself, that I just had to call you and tell you about it. Thank you so much.

Just that one simple tool changed this woman’s experience of a long-held anxiety.

What situations do YOU need tools like that for?

February 20th, 2015

What makes me The Best Life Coach?

February 16th, 2015

Please Vote Bonny Best Life Coach in the Washington City Paper/Best of 2015

Hi. I’m Bonny King-Taylor and I’m running for the Washington City Paper, Best Life Coach Best of List for 2015.

I’m been a therapist and life coach for about 16 years, in private practice., helping people with everything from relationship issues, to parenting, to career development, to grief, and even just figuring out what you want to be, now that you are all grown up.

And, today, I’m asking for a favor.

I would LOVE it if you would click on the box below to go to my voting widget, enter your email address…or three…and let the City Paper know that I AM the best life coach.

And I would really appreciate it if you could send a message to your networks and ask your friends and family to do the same.

I LOVE what I do and winning this category would help me to reach a lot more people because…you know…everybody needs a little help sometimes…and I am here to help.

Voting is open to any and every email address, anywhere in the world.

Thank you so much!

February 16th, 2015

Please Vote Bonny “Best Life Coach” in the Washington City Paper Best of list for 2015

Click the widget to vote and please share the link far and wide.

Thank you so much!

February 1st, 2011

Who do you know who needs me?

I count on the people who know me and my work to get the word out. Doing so is effortless with an electronic or pdf referral card.

You can either forward this entire email, or download a pdf to print and share via your social networks.


As you have probably heard me say before, nothing gives me greater joy than seeing that AHA moment, and witnessing the relief and optimism that comes when a client breaks through a limitation that has plagued them for ages. YOU can foster that change in about 30 seconds!

If you have any questions about how to share or describe my work, please be in touch.

It’s really quite easy!

Referrals welcomed at 866.821.9386

click here to get a pdf of this card, and thank you for passing it on!

February 1st, 2011

Hey! That’s not what I meant

Have you ever found yourself either mystified or frustrated when what you say gets interpreted in ways that make it seem as if you are speaking an unrecognizable language?

The truth is, you might be!

Miscommunication can send you down a long and dusty road

We make assumptions all the time about how others see the world. Sometimes we take for granted that their world view is the same as ours. Sometimes, we even use vague communication to create

the wedge of ‘differentness’ to keep people at a safe distance. That one is usually unconscious, and can be a huge block to intimacy and belonging. More often than not, we resist saying what we really mean because we want to avoid conflict.

What’s that about?

Behavior scientists call these bad habits of communication, The Abilene Paradox. It’s based on a parable by Dr. Jerry B. Harvey about a family who take a trip to some pretty frustrating places, simply because no one was willing to say what they really meant.

After the disastrous, 104 mile journey one person sarcastically snorted, “It was a great trip wasn’t it.” To which the others replied:

  • To tell the truth, I really didn’t enjoy it much. I wouldn’t have gone at all if you hadn’t pressured me into it.
  • I didn’t pressure you. I was happy here. I only went because you all wanted to go.
  • You were the ones who wanted to go. I just wanted to make you happy.
  • I never wanted to go to Abilene. I just thought you might be bored sitting at home with the rest of us.

I’ve seen this kind of buried meaning crop up in nearly every relationship I have observed. In fact, I would be amazed if you didn’t recognize at least one of those comments as something you have said.

What is the solution?

  • Identify the common communication tools that consistently cause aggravation,
  • Recognize that they are habits of thought that can be changed,
  • Then do what it takes to change them!

To be honest, it’s really tough to uncover your verbal tools on your own. Look for instances where you say ‘always, never, I knew it, you people, I always say, you just don’t understand.’

(I love how Stephen Covey says in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “You don’t understand” actually means “You aren’t doing what I want you to do.” )

If you’d like some help figuring out how your communication is getting skewed, give me a call. (866.821.9386, or drop me an email)

Helping you get what you want, through what you say, is my specialty!

I hope you are staying cozy during this challenging winter, and I would love to hear from you!

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